The Constipated Cow by John, Kristen and Tiffany.

We were really bored so we played the writing game, where one person starts a story (in this case, John) and he writes for a minute or two, then passes it off and so on and so forth. Well this story turned out Epic, thanks to me of course.

John (14 years), Kristen (12 years), Tiffany (19 years.)
_________________________________________________

There once was a cow who ate to much cheese. He then became constipated and sat around for hours doing nothing but twirling his hoofs. After hours had passed, he decided to go buy peptobuismal.

The cows medicine didn't work at all so he was constipated for quite some time. He then had to go to the hospital, where he found out he, or should I say she was a pregnant cow. She had always thought she was a he.

After 6 months of pregnancy, the calf was ready to be delivered. They searched far and wide to find the best doctor in the world. Luckily, on such short notice they were able to get Chuck Norris to deliver the baby.

Chuck Norris delivered the baby to find out that she who thought she was a she, was actually a he who had kidney stones. Chuck Norris then became angry and tried to kill them, but Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee came out of nowhere to save them.

But obviously Chuck Norris won because hes a beast! And Chuck Norris killed them all with a swift kick to the neck. When he was done there was blood and guts of all the species mixed everywhere. And he started to walk away. Two onlookers were found looking on, but they were unseen to Chuck Norris. The orange haired oddly shaped kid said to the green haired kid, "Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today."

People Say Funny Things! #2

Yeah Wonderful People! Again I say, "My Family Can Say Some Random Things." All of theses quotes, really happened, and are kind of funny...or maybe its just one of those had to be there moments, either way I love it! :D

Josiah (almost 4!), Michael (11), John (14), Me/Tiffany (19), Kristen (12), Trace (uhhh, 23...I think, darn he just told me too.)


JOSIAH: "Since your daddy died, I'll be your new daddy."


JOHN: "When are the beetles coming back in style mom? Cause you sound old."


MICHAEL: "I need a cup."
ME: "Well, I need a life. Those are harder to find."
MICHAEL: "You can have my cats, she had nine."


JOSIAH: (Watching Nyan Cat) "My cat doesn't fart rainbows, and she doesn't have a poptart on her belly."


JOSIAH: (Watching nyan cat attack.) "Oh. My.Gosh. That is so cool! I would ride on one!"


TRACE: "Your kind of a blonde."
JOHN: "But, The rough draft of one."
*LATER*
ME: "I can't believe Trace called me a blonde."
JOHN: "Your more of a rough draft of a blonde."
ME: So, I'm Original! :)


ME: "Why would John Travolta choose here to live?"
JOHN: "He was born here."
ME: "What?! The cute 'GREASE' John Travolta was born in ocala?"
JOHN: "Yes."
ME: "Maybe there is still hope for the guys in Ocala."


KRISTEN: "You posted a picture of the Breakfast Burrito you made on my Instagram!"
ME: "Yes! Who liked it?!"
KRISTEN: "A 10 year old, and 2 creepy looking old men!"
ME: "It proves guys like people who can cook!"
KRISTEN: "They're OLD!"
ME: "But their guys."


JOSIAH: "I love what your making for lunch."
ME: "I love your face!"
JOSIAH: "I love your feet... Can I kiss your feet?"
ME: "Eww, No. Feet are gross."
JOSIAH: "But only you have pretty feet, I love them."


JOSIAH: "Nobodys allowed to see you go potty till your married."
ME: "Josiah, Your looking at me go potty."
JOSIAH: "No, I'm gonna make sure nobody see you go potty until your married."


JOSIAH: "How'd your daddy die?"
ME: "Cancer."
JOSIAH: "How'd he get that cancer?"
ME: "He didn't eat his vegtables."
JOSIAH: "Yeah. Thats why I always eat my vegtables, cause I don't want that Cancer. It can kill people."


JOSIAH: "I'm gonna marry my mommy."
ME: "Who am I gonna marry?"
JOSIAH: "Your daddy."
ME: "But my daddys dead, remember."
JOSIAH: "Ohh. Ummmm. Im not sure then."


JOSIAH: (bathroom curtain falls when he pulls on it.) "Oh. My. God."
(runs and closes the bathroom door, hands over his mouth staring at it.)
JOSIAH: "You know how to fix that... right?"


ME: "Josiah, are you lieing?"
JOSIAH: "No."
ME: "Siah, Liars go to the devil."
JOSIAH: "Whats bad about the devil again?"
ME: "The Devil hates Jesus and mommy. Did you lie?"
JOSIAH: "Yes."
ME: "Tell Jesus your sorry."
JOSIAH: "Sorry Jesus for lieing."


JOSIAH: "I'll be older on my birthday."

So I Almost Died....

TESTIMONY!

So this morning I had the feeling to pray and pray and pray and I really couldnt stop, It was amazing. I thought maybe It was because of my Job interview. But all morning I felt God soooo STRONGLY! It followed me everywhere, and I just felt safe like, like no matter what I was going to be okay.

I was Driving to said interview and a guy tried pulling into my lane but he was barely ahead of me, just the nose of his car was in front of me, It was 2 lane traffic on both sides, I wasnt sure what to do and I put on my brakes, but I freaked out and lost control of my car and I was headed straight for on coming traffic, I saw it and I got ready for it, it was all happening to quickly. Instead of being straight in my lane, the car was completly side ways, I was going to get T-Boned. I could see the oncoming traffic literally 2 feet away from me.  

I closed my eyes and I said jesus, and my steering wheel was jerked from my hands and when I opened my eyes I was in my own lane perfectly straight. No crash, no nothing. I know for a FACT that GOD SAVED ME! I saw the traffic coming to me, saw them hitting there breaks and after I realized what happened I couldnt stop speaking in tongues and crying!

I am so happy I serve such a caring and loving God, and I thank God for making me so sensitive to his spirit. Thought it was awesome and wanted to tell all ya'll :)

90 Out Of 100 Things To Do Before I Die.

This Is My Bucket List.

100 Things I Will Do Before I Die.

It's Gonna Be EPIC! XD

White Means I've Already Done It! 

1. See The Sunrise Over Any Body Of Water.

2. Row A Boat Across A Lake.

3. Go Camping In A Tent Over Night.

4. Go Scuba Diving.

5. Be Apart Of A Live Studio Audience.

6. Have A Crazy Cake, Like On Cake Boss.

7. Learn To Play The Piano.

8. Make A Pie From Scratch.

9. Get A Build-A-Bear.

10. Taser A Person.

11. Go Paintballing.

12. Climb A Mountain.

13. Make A Scrap Book From When I Was Younger.

14. Ride On A Subway.

15. Do A Chinese Fire Drill.

16. Rock Climb. (Indoors)

17. Go A Whole Day Without Talking.

18. Be On A Game Show.

19. Visit The Bahamas.

20. Send Fan Mail.

21. Play 20 Questions With A Stranger.

22. Support/Donate To A Charity.

23. Go To Breakfast At Tiffany's.

24. Be Kicked Out Of A Store.

25. Meet The MIZ.

26. Write A Song.

27. Run A Marathon.

28. Spend All Day Picking Up Cans.

29. Go To A Spa.

30. Customize A Pen.

31. Use An Axe To Cut Down A Tree.

32. Work In A Soup Kitchen. 

33. Kick Down A Door.

34. Go To The Zoo.

35. Live Out Of My Car For A Day.

36. Ride On A Train.

37. Plant A Bunch Of Flowers On The Side Of The Road.

38. Ride A Mechanical Bull.

39. See My Dads Grave.

40. Be Vegitarian For A Week.

41. Give A Dog A Hair Cut.

42. Write A Blog. :)

43. Do A Walk-A-Thon.

44. Ride On A Dolphin.

45. Collect All 50 States Quarters.

46. Ride Every Ride At Bush Gardens In A Day.

47. See An Explosion. (Hopefully Not Dangerous.)

48. Cook A 5 Course Meal.

49. Design A T-Shirt.

50. Visit My Sister (Kim) In Texas.

51. See An Opera.

52. Walk On The Trail Of Tears.

53. Learn To Play Guitar.

54. Play Hide-N-Seek In Wal-Mart.

55. Put My Feet In The Gulf.

56. Meet Randy Orton.

57. Get An Autograph From Every Character At Disney World.

58. Stand In The Fish Bowl. (New Orleans)

59. Go To Comicon.

60. Go To An Art Show.

61. Adopt A Puppy/Dog From The Pound.

62. Learn To Waltz.

63. Get A Picture With Spiderman.

64. Graffiti Something. (Nicely)

65. Build A Tree House.

66. Go On A Cruise.

67. Write A Message In A Bottle.

68. Eat Sushi!

69. Learn To Tango.

70. Pet A Monkey.

71. Buy A Big Bag Of Candy From The Flea Market.

72. Remodel A Piece Of Furniture, And Reapolster It.

73. Make A Photography Portfolio.

74. Make A Bouquet Of Wild Flowers.

75. Water Balloon Fight With Paint In Them.

76. Learn To Kick Box.

77. Leave The Country.

78. Cerrane Wrap A Car.

79. See The Love Garden.

80. Feed Wild Animals At Busch Gardens. (Zebra, Giraffe, ect.)

81. Go To A WWE Event.

82. Do Yoga Regularly.

83. See A Broadway Show. (Wicked, Legally Blonde, Phantom Of The Opera, Ect.) :D

84. Learn To Surf. 

85. Talk With An Accent For Two Days Straight.

86. See The Grand Cannon.

87. Learn Sign Language.

88. Write My Number On The Beach.

89. See Adam Young (Owl City) In Concert!

90. Talk To Mitchell Davis<3

91.

92.

93.

94.

95.

96.

97.

98.

99.

100.

Wal-Mart Scares Me! :)

Wal-Mart has a special way of freaking me out, but I always have a blast there! The people are so wierd, yet ohhh soo amuzing! And We Always Get A Little Funnier and Stranger There Too.


Guy: (says to his son and wife?) Boy, take care of your momma now ya hear. Don't let anything happen to her.
Boy: (looking terrified/sad) Okay dad.
JOHN: (as we walk by) First divorce I've seen in a Wal-Mart.


(Guy Running With His Cart In The Parking Lot)
ME: I think that was my High School gym teacher. Good to see he still active.


(Kristen Get Out Of Her Moms Car In The Parking Lot, Me & John Are A Car Behind Her. FYI, We Are In The Back Parking Lot Turning Around.)
ME & JOHN: Watch out for the guy in the bushes!
KRISTEN: What?!?!
(Guy Leaves The Building With A Trash Bag, Just Stares With His Hands Up.)


ME: (Singing!) If I die young, bury me in satin. Lay me down on a bed of roses, sink me in the river at dawn send me away with the words of a love song.
JOHN: No. If you die young, I'll be in mexico cause I obviously had something to do with it!

^^(P.S. I Know Half This Song In Sign Language! XD)^^

BRIANNA: (asking Wal-Mart employee) Can I have your autograph? I've never been to Disney World, and this is as close as I'm gonna get.
(The guy actually gave his autograph!)

CheeZebrahhhh!?!?!?

The Birth Of CheeZebra!

Kristen put on a Zebra Shirt, over a Cheetah shirt.
For awhile we kept calling her a Liger! (Lion&Tiger),

But then we realized she was wearing Cheetah and Zebra clothes.

ZeTah, lame. Chebra, stupid. BraTah, what?

CheeZebra! Awesome!! XD

Cheezebra: Pronounced, Cheeze-Brah:

Meaning the mixture of a Cheetah and a Zebra!



People Say Funny Things!

Funny Things That People (and Myself) Say All The Time!
Kristen (12 years old), John (14 years old), Jason (7 years old), Josiah (3 years old), Me (19 years old)!

KRISTEN:Tiff theres a spider on the wall.
ME: I know I saw it.
KRISTEN: Atleast if it bites us we could,
ME & KRISTEN (Same Time): Be like SPIDERMAN!

JOHN: "What Would You Do If Taylor Lautner Asked You On A Date?"
ME: "Say Yes!"
JOHN: "Really?"
ME: "Heck Yes! Free Food!"

ME: Josiah Pray For Me.
JOSIAH: (points his hands to me) Jesus Name, Jesus Name, Jesus Name.

JOSIAH: My Dad Has A Big Gun, But He Can't Shoot Babies

ME: (got the floss stick, stuck in my teeth.) ARHHHHHHHAHAHAHHHHHHH! (Seconds Later) Don't Worry I Got It Out.
JOHN: I Wish I Had A Brain Like Yours.
ME: No You Don't! Everyone Likes Talking At Once!

ME: "Hey! John, Kristen! I Should Change My Facebook Name To Tiffany Tiffany!"
JOHN & KRISTEN: "What?"
ME: "Like Kelly Kelly, Only Better!"

JOHN: (Biting My Shoulder)
ME: John Stop Biting Me!
JOHN: But I'm Edwards Colon!
ME & KRISTEN & JOHN: (Awkward Silence Staring At Each Other)
ME: Did You Mean Edward Cullen?

ME: Josiah What Should I Wear?
JOSIAH: Ummm, Wear This Dress.
ME: The Dress? Why I'm Just Going To Pick Up The Kids From School.
JOSIAH: BEcause You Look Pretty In The Dress

DORA THE EXPLORER: "Gracias!"
JOSIAH: "Your Welcome."

JOSIAH: "Are you going to Heaven?"
ME: "Yes."
JOSIAH: "Good. Do you want to come to my new house, when we live in Heaven?"

ME: "Oh My Gosh Jason! Its 4!"
JASON: "No, I Dont Want Pancakes."
ME: "What?"

ME: "Josiah, Dont put those stickers on the wall or Uncle John will get mad, and you wont be allowed to come back over."
JOSIAH: "I wont be sad if im not allowed back."
ME: "Why?!?"
JOSIAH: (BIG Smile) Cause I'll still have stickers